Just an Atheist in A Mormon World

As LDS church officials discuss the pros and cons of what the presidential bid of Mitt Romney would mean for the Mormon Church, many unfamiliar Americans are wondering exactly what Mormonism is all about. I must admit, I knew almost nothing about Mormons before I moved to Utah. Although there are many Mormons in Utah, it is by no means the only place Mormons collectively gather. Never the less, I was dumbfounded to learn how much power the Church of Latter Day Saints has within the state.

In Utah, for example, you cannot purchase packaged "real beer" or (beverages containing more than 3.2% alcohol by weight) unless you visit one of the state owned liquor stores. All the prices there are set by the state and inflated to approximately double the cost of anywhere else in the U.S. That is because Mormons don’t partake in or encourage alcoholic beverages, tobacco, coffee or even tea.

Evidence of the church runs ramped here. There are LDS hospitals, colleges, bookstores, thrift stores and even singles clubs. But the LDS churches remains predominate as social clubs go. Newbies can join here and are warmly welcomed, perhaps as extra revenue.

Mormons have a strict law of chastity, which requires abstinence before marriage and fidelity within marriage. To go along with abstaining one must own ‘magic underwear’. This underwear is designed to protect the wearer, has distinctive symbols and can only be purchased at an authorized church store. For the convenience of service men and women they are also available in sand color.

Engaged couples are expected to give 10% of their income to the church as tithing. Many young men serve a two-year proselytizing mission, where they dedicate all of their time to the church without pay.

When a woman marries it is her duty to have as many children as possible; perhaps one a year, until she is unfertile. It kind of reminds me of breeding puppies, but with dogs you must give the mother a break between litters.

It is the FLDS (fundamentalist latter day saints) who broke away from the LDS church who embolden polygamy. But polygamy is here and mostly kept under wraps, if the truth were known. Otherwise, there is an exorbitant amount of mother-in-laws living in mother-in-law suites here. Someone in the Mormon Church must have envisioned mother-in-law suites as a convenient way to hide someone under the radar, perhaps another wife and family?

If you look into the Mormon religion itself, the casual observer might get the impression they were reading some ridiculous fairytale. The entire Mormon religion is based on the said visions of a con man named Joseph Smith. Smith claimed an angel directed him to some buried golden plates, which contained the religious history of the ancient people. Smith then published his translation of these plates as the Book of Mormon.

As Smiths followers grew he and his congregation traveled around from place to place, avoiding mobs and the law. Meanwhile, Smith introduced several doctrines and ceremonies but prejudices and political tensions for Mormon peculiarities escalated. In the book of Mormon, we hear of God’s curse on the Lamanites for being wild, plundering and murdering people and how he changed their skin color to dark or black. The people of Nephi on the other hand, were ‘exceedingly fair and delightful people’ with white skin. Even today, when dark skinned people are allowed into priesthood, most Mormons have blond hair and blue eyes.

On June 27, 1844, Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum were killed by a mob in Illinois. A senior apostle, Brigham Young became the next leader of the Mormons leading them to what became Utah Territory.

In 1852, church leaders publicized the previously secret practice of plural marriage. For the next 50 years many Mormons entered into plural marriages as religious duty. The Mormons recruited a Mormon Jesus-freak militia that waged war with the United States Government. This led to the Mountain Meadow Massacre, where over 120 men, women and children were slaughtered. While the Mormons were allowed to remain in Utah, the latter half of the century Mormons again regained their status as a "peculiar people."

Atheists find all religions ridiculous. But for an atheist, the Mormon religion wins the absurdity award hands down. All religions ask for tithes (monies donated to the church) but Mormons make it mandatory. It seems if you want to make it to the highest kingdom of heaven or ‘spirit paradise,’ you must pay in full.

Because Mormons have multiple heavens and you’re almost certain to be forgiven any sin, you can work your way up the ladder of heavens. Of course, that only will last until the ‘Second Coming.’ Then all bets are off and you will end up where you’re at with no more other chances.

As with multiple heavens, any outrageous story must include multiple worlds with people populating those worlds. Add to that, some multiple Gods to rule these worlds and their very own universe, and you begin to get the gist of the Mormon religion.

It’s baffling to me as an atheist how Mitt Romney can keep a straight face when he proclaims he is a Mormon. But I guess the Mormon religion is just like all other religions in that, it is what it is. It really comes as no surprise to me that Glen Beck is a Mormon but I’ll admit it scares me that the leader of the free world could also be.